My best friend asked me to marry him

9 nov 2019

Simon, in the middle of the stairs outside of Kärnan, overseeing the Helsingborg view at about 11pm, pulls out a ring and gets down on one knee.

“Emma Kerstin Wilson, vill du gifta dig med mig för tid och evighet?”

image1

 

Du gamla du fria

Ville berätta för er bara att de bästa dagarna i mitt liv har skett här i Helsingborg, Sverige.

Doften, vädret, himmelen, FOLKET, hundarna, jobbet.. Alltihop.

Nu sitter jag mitt i stan, det är kl. 12 på pricken och den stora klockan spelar Sveriges Nationalsång.

Älskar dig Helsingborg, Skåne, Sverige. Utan tvivel vet jag att det finns en Gud, en som vet, uppfattar och har ovillkorlig kärlek för alla.

Jag vill leva jag vill dö i Sverige-

Lost & found journal entries

Every time I open my notes in my phone the Swedish equivalent of “Your iCloud is full” pops up over and over and intermittently interrupts my typing of the things I’d like to remember. So today I decided to log on my PC and finally delete years worth of things including contacts, I kid you not, of 99% of names of people I genuinely have no recollection of knowing in my however many years with an Apple account. Not to be super hey I can’t remember anyone, am I senile or just don’t care, -ey, but I was reading through notes from as little as 8 months ago with names of people I took a solid 5 minutes to re-remember or couldn’t remember at all. A part of me thinks this should be sad but in reality it’s half the reason I act or don’t act the way I do and am so absolutely cavalier about picking up and leaving on any given day. I’m not saying friends aren’t important, I just think people are important when you’re with them and it shouldn’t be sad when you’re not with them. You should learn and absorb and give as much as you can on a mutual level when you’re with a person and if you’re suddenly ripped from their life or have no time or extreme care to be in touch on a regular basis if at all, it shouldn’t be an extreme emotional issue. Plus tomorrow you have the opportunity to meet somebody else who fulfils you in other ways and the cycle of learning and absorbing and giving and taking continues.

Here’s a handful of notes I had written found in the iCloud atmosphere. Do you also sometimes write things in your phone to people and decide to never send them? Sometimes I wish I’d specify to myself who they were for. Today they’re for you!

18 Maj 2018
Happy things- Dogs, elephants, monkeys, fireflies, glow worms, stars, candles. Light and warmth. Reading, writing and having a door. A warm bed. Choice. Music, art, solitude, shared solitude, comfortable silence. Hindsight. Dreams indicating guidance to be taken. New knowledge, old knowledge being reiterated.
29 Jan 2018
Good looking is overrated and far too common. Attractive is rare
16 Jan 2018
“If money grew on trees it would be as valuable as leaves.”
5 Jan 2018
So I have accomplished the exact opposite of what I had promised myself on doing this convention. Aside from making friends. Definitely -, definitely didn’t wake up early or properly look for a husband. I did make friends though. And learn more about my weaknesses. I need daily intense prayer and study to stay on course because it’s a big dark world and there are influences everywhere. Things that help: listening to uplifting music, talking to converts or people from Sweden or who speak Swedish, reading talks, being alone and regrouping, looking at the stars, goal setting. I’m going to be better and beat this weakness.
14 Nov 2017
Bishop says in prayer “protect her from making bad choices.”
13 Nov 2017
Weekly goals
keep busy, it’s time to move on and forget the pain and remember what’s good and keeps you well
Workout three days min.
Go on a date
Have meaningful prayer & scripture study daily
Pray to forgive & be kind
Book Sri Lanka tickets
11 Okt 2017
Me: “Stuff being a parent.” Hashtag #nothanks
Mum: Hashtag #ididntsignupforthis
25 Aug 2017
The poo hath hitteth the fan.

29 Jul 2017
Make sure what you want is coherent with how you’re getting it.

 

On ASMR

Very (extremely) recently I came across several ASMR videos and initially there was nothing that had naturally given me greater anxiety than it with the exception of being touched on the feet with other people’s hands. Footsies with people’s feet =cute, foot massage =unpleasant sensory and emotional feeling of damnation, discomfort and despair. ASMR+ foot massage= worst nightmare.

ASMR stands for Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response, which can really be triggered by a wide variety of things, but I’m noticing the kids nowadays are down with mainly recording themselves whispering and eating into a mic. Again, at first it made me anxious, like uncomfortable cannot move having heart palpitations kind of anxious. But that somehow made me wanna make one myself.

I realised the other day that I don’t really feel like I’ve had a successful day unless I’ve created at least one thing. Naturally I had the wild idea today that between a morning casting for a dating app commercial (m8) and an evening recording session for an animation (straight up wanna throw those details out there that be I poor at current, every part of these projects spark joy in me and I can’t wait to show you what I’ve been able to work on with some pretty flipping incredible cool creators) –that somewhere between having only slept for one hour, creating a new language for Australians to easily read in an American accent for jahbz (patented) and waiting to hear the footsteps in the kitchen go to their prospective rooms so I can open the fridge and eat without conversing– I decided to make my own ASMR video. And I’ve kinda spent all day pecking at it while doing other things. And by now it’s making me feel calm and what other people are getting from this stuff, or maybe I just like the sound of my own voice. Or maybe I’m tired.

So without further ado, here’s your gift. I’ll paint the picture while you rest your sleepy little eyeballs.

Let me send a friendly Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response your way. I drink a smooth smoothie and eat a crisp nectarine while staring out the window. I’m wearing a fluffy blue robe.

It has come to my attention that when I whisper in reverse I’m speaking Parseltongue of a foreign species. Whisper, repsihw.

Dim the lights and I’ll ever so gently with the lightest touch tickle your inner forearms with my voice.