Moment of truth

With the multiple connections I tend to have on various forms of social media, I receive (a magnificent amount of) love in the form of comments and discussion throughout the posts I create and leave open to the public. I am so grateful we have the technology today to be able with connect with humans who resemble our lifestyles and thoughts and who are seeking truths as we are, and they have the ability to reach out in ways in which they could not have only some 30 odd years ago- in all parts of the world. However, on the odd occasion, a person I do not know nor would have met may write on something I post with an impolite comment or response to my actions or my faith.

The following I know: I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. We are also known as ‘Mormons’. The best way to truly know what we believe is to ask an active member of our faith. I cannot condense all my thoughts and feelings and knowledge in a one post-wonder in the attempt to have you understand what I know. It would not do this knowledge justice. Truly, meet with us. Human interaction is the most viable form of human communication and it is deeming to be obsolete in these years. Don’t let it be! However, I will express the following:

I am a follower of Jesus Christ. When I began to live my life according to His principles and teachings as pertaining to the fullness of His gospel- and nothing less- I genuinely experienced improvements in every portion of my life. I cannot express the aforementioned any more plainly. It became as clear as daylight the way I needed to continue to live as soon as I started living it. The more focus I place on making my decisions based on the gospel of Jesus Christ, the outcomes have been truly miraculous.

Every day is a genuine miracle to me. I have struggled for years and sometimes decades with weaknesses and adversaries I never- I repeat, never- have been able to overcome or change until now- when I decided to actively apply gospel principles in all aspects of my life. This to me created a very clear depiction in my understanding of the foreknowledge, intelligence and love of God. If you read that He loves us- He actually does. If you read that he knows all- He actually does! A God who directs me to do something, and when I do that thing- I am happy? He knows how it works. He knows how humans work. He knows us individually and collectively. When people tell me of how unhappy they are and they then adopt the concept that God is not loving- perhaps they misread Him. Perhaps they are blaming one who they do not listen to. If they were to submit their lives to His direction- they would be happy. It is really a ‘listen to your parents’ concept to yield to. Your parents love you, and when they ask you to do something- it is not because they do not want to do it themselves. It is because they have an increasing desire for you to learn. It is because they know the immense benefit, understanding, confidence and self-sufficiency earnt through learning said thing. They know and have learnt for themselves the happiness that could be earnt through learning that could be achieved in doing what they have asked of you. With their knowledge of the possibility of your happiness- they direct you to do certain things. If somebody wants you to be happy I would only assume it’s because they love you! Divide that concept and apply it to God and realise He actually loves you.

If you understand the above concept, you begin to recognize the freedom that comes from having far greater understanding in life. You comprehend the importance of having those enriching experiences that you would not have had had you not listened to your parents. You understand you have been asked to do these things in your life- not to prove to them that you are in favour of them, even though that is a worthy motive- but for them to demonstrate to you that they are in favour of you. They are in favour of your happiness. My parents made me learn piano as a child. Initially I had asked to, but then, as soon as I understood the work involved in maintaining the skills required to pass examinations, I no longer desired to continue. I couldn’t stand exams, they made me feel incredibly nervous and the outcomes of the exams rarely portrayed how I felt as a pianist of my level at the time. However, I continued to press on. I continued to work hard, and get nervous, and get terrible exam results, and get sad or frustrated with the system or my lack of ability. I did something I did not wish to do for many, many years. Now, as a result- I can play piano! I really feel like it’s a skill that is necessary to be obtained in one’s life. A staple instrument, a profound talent, a genuine necessity that I find comes in handy on a regular basis. Not just the initial skills acquired but the understanding learnt. I can read music. I haven’t any idea how I can but I just do. I sing and play both hands on the piano at the same time while reading music and listening to people next to me. I haven’t any idea how I can but that’s just the skill I have acquired as a result of what I perceived as many years of hardship. Music is a universal language- how many nations speak exactly the same language? No two. Music speaks the same in every country. What a blessing my parents gave me to learn this instrument! I would not take a second back of those seemingly hard times. In fact, I’m at this point where I ask my parents why I wasn’t forced to do more things. I’ve said things like, “Well I’m going to force my kids to learn piano, I’m going to force my kids to learn other languages, I’m going to force my kids to be fit- because I know had I done these things as a child I’d be far more advantaged now, as an adult!” Their response is always much like, “Emma, there are things we tried to have you do- but you would refuse.” You can direct people to do things to a degree, but in the end the person themselves need to actively do what they have been asked. We personally are given the ultimate choice as to whether or not we wish to listen to one with far more knowledge than we. So as my parents, in doing this thing, they were not interested in anything but their desire for me to be happy. This was not for them, it was for me. God does not give directions to you for Himself, He does it for you.

When you live your life centred on Christ, you are genuinely far happier than you would have been otherwise. I am not perfect, and I am not Him. I would like, however, to the best of my ability attempt to be as close to Him as possible or be the best representative of a follower of Him as possible. I am learning every day, and I try to do so every day. He is the first thing and the last thing on my mind. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I believe in a loving, intelligent, objective, just and understanding God. These qualities we comprehend in other human beings can in fact be found in our creator. These qualities are inherently from Him. He should make sense. If God is not these things to you, you do not understand Him. If God doesn’t make sense to you, seek understanding.

The way I live my life and the reason I follow this particular faith is really simply put: it makes me happier than I have ever known. I care about the truth and I care about what makes sense. The truth sets one free- and I am genuinely free! There is nothing I am willing to do more than to defend this knowledge for the rest of my life because I know these things are true. Have thoughts illustrating questions of your soul you wish to know? Feel free to speak with the missionaries:

https://www.mormon.org/missionaries

I promise, if you listen and ask, with a true desire to know what you must do in your life in order to be happy- you will most genuinely receive your answers. True happiness is so obtainable and I’m in no position to restrict anyone from achieving it. It is my delight and my goal for all people to know the things I know and be as truly happy as I really am. I find happiness every day, even in the midst of turmoil or amid conflict in my life’s adversaries or afflictions. I am happy, my soul is at peace, I am free, and I genuinely desire for any and all people to know they can feel this way too.

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Mission Call

I received the following two weeks ago:

“Dear Sister Wilson:
You are hereby called to serve as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You are assigned to labor in the Sweden Stockholm Mission. It is anticipated that you will serve for a period of 18 months.
You should report to the Provo Missionary Training Centre on Tuesday, December 8, 2015. You will prepare to preach the gospel in the Swedish language.”

I know at this time in my life this is where I am meant to be going and this is what I am meant to be doing! There is nothing more prominent and sure to me than the existence of our Saviour and the active pursuit of bettering one’s self through His teachings every day. When I came to this realisation, I have genuinely found improvement in every area of my life, each day- and consistently find peace even in the midst of turmoil, each day. Because this brings me greater joy than anything I have ever known- there is nothing I would love to do more than immerse myself in this calling and share this message of happiness with the people of Sweden and all else who are seeking peace and understanding.

To meet with missionaries in your area feel free to visit http://www.mormon.org/missionaries

A process of elimination

Every day I am furthermore being showered with the gift of the ability to see things as they really are. Being given pure understanding, pure knowledge- with a surety.

It’s an evermore process of elimination. Consider this- we have all been given a cup. We fill this cup with our desires, our perceived knowledge and perceived collection of truth, our weaknesses and strengths, our spiritual gifts, our mind, our energy, our doubts. We all have a full cup. If we effectively strive to be better at what we do and what we know- every day, our cup comes closer and closer to being only filled with the knowledge of things as they really are. The lies and deceptions of the world are sifted out.

These last six months I can say with a surety- there were things I did not know and was not sure of my entire life- but I now know. Not perceive or desire to have a better understanding of, but know.

As I freely choose to follow the teachings of Jesus Christ, I genuinely am more free, more knowledgeable and more happy that I have ever been. This I can tell you with a surety. This is something you cannot understand until you act on that tiny seed of faith you may have in His existence and the things I am sharing with you. When you do, I promise you with everything in me– your life will be better every day than it was the last. Your life will be better. You will be far happier than you are now. These things I promise you with all my strength.

There are people who don’t understand this. When I eliminate parts of my perceived personality or doings it’s not because I think I am better than other people. It’s because I want to be better than I was yesterday. It brings me more joy than I can imagine. I have started to understand things in a way I never knew before and oh boy have my eyes been opened and oh how am I seeing things as they really are. I want everyone to know these things I know. I want everyone to feel this peace I feel even in the midst of turmoil.

Friends- I urge you to ponder on what I say here. I see things as they really are. I know things with a surety. I am not restricted or held back by following the Saviour- I am free. I am free.

“How long can rolling waters remain impure?”

And that’s really what it is. Enduring to the end. Becoming as morally refined as we choose to be within the bounds of our current tangible bodies. What an incredible time in which we were individually placed on this earth to choose freely who we want to be, how much we wish to progress and an infinite atonement which comes into action when we fall short- should we do all we can do. Life is individual. Strengths and weaknesses are individual. Progression is individual. The beauty is, we’ll end up where we choose to be.

It is important to understand the following: You most genuinely, have a loving Heavenly Father. He wants you to be happy, He created you, He knows you better than you know yourself, He loves you in a unique way specific to you. Prior to our time on earth we were spirits living with God who has a tangible body of flesh and bones. We realised we couldn’t understand His happiness or level of dominion without receiving a body ourselves. When He announced we would be sent to Earth to receive a body and progress, we jumped for joy! What an incredible gift given to us as His Spirit children. We were informed (and innately know) we could not progress without choice. The freedom to choose right from wrong. He wants us to become like Him- perfect. We cannot do that without choice. We do not have a controlling God, but a loving God. That is His nature. He wants us to progress and ultimately be like Him.

When things happen on earth and you see these things as incorrect or you look at people and see the harm they are causing others- remember- they have been given the freedom to choose. We have a loving Heavenly Father. We need to be the change we wish to see in the world.

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Congregational, Multitudinous, Universal

Today I spoke to a congregation of about 130 people for roughly twenty minutes. Now I’m not going to write about what I said, because partially I don’t remember what I said in its’ entirety and my notes don’t completely correspond with what I spoke about (because when on the stand, what is appropriate or felt can differ significantly to what is written) but I do want to talk about my gratitude in having the opportunity to have done so and why it’s such a significant part of my week/ month/ continuing journey.

In high school when I was about 16 we had this English lesson, and I particularly remember we had a substitute teacher that day (and because subs don’t really know what we’re up to and generally don’t know how to control a class of teenagers) it was for us, a bludge lesson. And although he was engaged in teaching the class about a new text or an essay or something that was part of the curriculum I specifically remember being in this pretty apathetic/ miserable spot in my mind that day and I started to draw pictures in my English book in blue biro of the things I really want to attain in my life. I drew my face inside a tv screen, I drew myself with a microphone with music notes coming out (implying singing to crowds), I drew myself holding hands with a guy & a huge love heart above us in the air, and I drew myself, with a microphone, in front of a large congregation, giving a significant speech of some sort. I only remembered these pictures in my mind last night lying in bed amidst recounting my day (this particular memory being a few years shy of a decade ago).

From this I know this much about my desires that day vs. my desires today: I want these same things. Now much of this list I have attained and continue to strengthen and attain- being an actor, singer, getting love to an extent in which is acceptable at this point. And I think the last one, I really care about, but I forgot how much I cared about until last night when my mind was preparing myself to give my talk today. I so badly want to be an effective public speaker. Not just be confident or wordy or interesting- but I want people who have the opportunity to hear me to feel an effect in their mind and subsequently change their lives and their doings. I feel I have so much to offer (as I feel people do for me, too) and I don’t want to just speak flatly. I want to affect people in everything that I do, I want to affect myself in everything that I learn. I think probably one of the most effective public speakers I’ve watched is Will Smith. He is hard working above all, and entertaining in his work with the added blessing of fame and as a result the people who hear him will take heed to what he says- and what he says is so incredibly powerful and effective. I care so much about being a positive role model, and there’s no greater way to do it than to be an effective and memorable public speaker.

If you haven’t already figured, I so prominently desire to change the world. As much of the world comes into contact with me and vice versa. As mentioned before, I feel fame can have a far greater positive effect on the world than money could possibly do. In terms of any talent in the media they’re getting younger and younger with the very ability quite literally in the palm of their hands to do something important, share something important, change something important- but instead misuse said fame to upload a new half-naked controversial picture of their 17 year old body in a new designer dress. I so badly want what’s good and what’s right to prevail. I so badly aim to be better every day at everything I can do in my capacity in the world as I know it -so that one day, I can do the greatest things as a positive and an effective human being. And not misuse any level of power I could possibly gain.

With all this in mind, I realise more and more the incredible effect human contact or human presence has above online or media related contact. I can be a writer, I can be an actor, you can see me on screens and in word form and photographic form and every elusive highly stylised and pre-calculated arrangement in various areas and billboards and papers and pages. But I feel there is nothing quite like seeing a person, hearing their tones and inflections and emotional capacity and their flesh and eyes and perhaps the touch of their hand and their gaze passing or holding yours. There isn’t. All contact is indeed derived from human contact.

So to be able to stand above a crowd, with a microphone, for possibly the first time in a decade, was the first best step I could take in order to become this person I so badly desire to be. I’m so used to being or trying to be entertaining or engaging or funny -so to deliver a powerful message of great importance to my heart- that isn’t scripted or in character or a dramatic performance is such a new environment and setting for me. It’s so different to auditioning and acting and being with a group of entertainers and being in front of the camera. These are things I have worked on for some time, know, and feel at this point come with great ease to me (and are things I can continue to work on and become better at).

I’ve heard before that statistically more people would prefer to die than to speak in public. It must be a great calling to have this desire I have. I don’t wish to die knowing I could have become an incredible public speaker.

I am grateful, because my objective of today’s talk was to affect at least one member of the congregation. If I can begin that way, I can use my abilities and learning and consistent conscious efforts to eventually affect twenty people in a congregation, affect ninety people in a multitude, and eventually affect hundreds of thousands of people on a universal scale. And, today I completed my objective. People I had never seen or spoken to before came up to me individually and shared their thoughts and had the kindest words about what I had said and how I presented these thoughts. Some people brought the words I had spoken up in discussions throughout the day, others came to me and quietly mentioned, “Emma, that is exactly what I needed. Thank you.”

Today, I am grateful. I am evermore effectively fulfilling my purpose in this life.

Peace, knowledge with a surety.

Miracles should not be regarded as deviations from the ordinary course of nature so much as manifestations of divine or spiritual power. It is important to notice the different names by which miracles are described. They are called signs, as being visible tokens of an invisible power; they are powers or mighty works, because they are the acts of One who is almighty; they are simply works, or the natural results of the Messiah’s presence among men; they are wonders, marvels, because of the effect produced on those who saw them.

Friends, tonight I witnessed a miracle. My heart is so ridiculously filled with so much peace and clarity and knowledge and there is nothing I’d rather do than share this with others. What an incredible time for us to be chosen to be placed on this earth. We are here, today, for a reason. We have the power and ability to witness and be an effective instrument in the bringing about of miracles today. This I know. Tonight I witnessed a miracle.

Patience, growth, not enough hours in the day.

I feel two things: Disappointment and gratitude.

Disappointment in my time being spent so long in the dark, knowing where to find the light, knowing how to best spend my time, knowing the truth, knowing how to learn, knowing where to seek and subsequently find. Knowing. But not acting upon my knowledge. For 24 years.

However, I find myself at the pinnacle of gratitude.

Gratitude that I have finally come to this self I am, today.

Today, I am a better person than I was yesterday. Tomorrow I will be a better person than I am today. I know this because above all I believe in progress. If we are not progressing, we are regressing. I’m an advocate for change. We have no ability to set our lives at one point and stay in that state forever. Every experience refines our being and brings us closer to our divine potential. When we truly understand this, conscious change becomes inevitable. There is an eternity of progression to be had and our mortal state is but a short significant part of that progression.
“To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often.”

I’ve rapidly discovered there are not enough hours in the day. There are really not enough hours in the day. With more knowledge I receive, the more I desire- and my desire can only be fulfilled in the time I choose to be awake within the 24 hour time frame of a day. The body needs rest. My greatest opponent is sleep. When I am awake, I do not wish to be asleep. When I am asleep, I do not wish to be awake. The transitional state between asleep and awake is my greatest weakness. As a result I have no common sleeping pattern and if I choose to have order in my mind and in my learning I must obtain one.

Moderation. Some things are black and white. We have a conscience, it is real and it tells us truth. Some things can be done in moderation and specific thought. Media, entertainment, eating, exercising, socialising. Trial & error. In moderation. Too much time spent can be wasted. The content of what enters our mind needs to be fruitful to the mind. Caring for our body upholds our physical wellbeing but too much time spent doing so will be at the expense of the other elements of our being. We need balance. I am learning this. I need balance. Perhaps it will take more than a lifetime to find.

I am learning great patience in all things. I have learnt that patience is not always the waiting and persistence in obtaining a goal- sometimes the desired result is not what is meant to be obtained from said patience. I do not know all things, and the result of my patience could be something I hadn’t imagined or initially desired.

Patience in human beings. Sometimes being patient with a person does not mean you will receive from that person what you are being patient for. People have the freedom to choose. Your patience, forgiveness and love does not need to be warranted or justified. It just needs to be given because you, yourself, have chosen to be that way.

Patience in yourself. Letting yourself be human. Do not only choose to forgive other human beings, because you are one, too. I constantly make poor decisions. Upon reflection of these decisions I would like to change. Let yourself change. If you are making reprimands for your poor decisions you are doing the right thing and deserve your own forgiveness. If you are not making reprimands for your choices you do have the knowledge of them which is the beautiful first step to finally helping yourself change. Patience, forgiveness and love for yourself does not need to be warranted or justified. It just needs to be given because you, yourself, have chosen to be that way. And as a result you have chosen peace.

I’ve discovered something so recently I thought I already knew. I knew it, but I didn’t know for myself until now. I’ve always been aware of His existence and His divine purpose but until now, I haven’t felt this way about anybody. Jesus Christ is the greatest man to have ever walked this earth. The more I understand his nature, the more I learn of his life, the more I think and feel and see his influence in others’ lives and my own- the more I want to be His follower. Point blank. A man who represented every human quality I desire to have and with everything that I am I want to progress and become more like Him. Not because it’s right or noble or religious or good for me or good for other people or will get me a spot on high in the eternities- although these may be justified worthy causes- but to put it simply: The more I learn about him, the more I love him. Everything He represented, I want to represent. He’s just everything I want to be near in a person. I want to attain his qualities, I want to be near people with his qualities. There is nothing I want to do more than share my love and knowledge of Him with others.

I am slowly seeing myself become less cool than I have ever been before. I am uncool. I will continue to be uncool. And that’s alright with me. Because now what I want to become and represent and do with my time and presence on planet Earth is far more important than being cool.

Please, if you need somebody to talk to or would like to ask a question about any of the above- go ahead x